Seeking help

Through the years I have sought help in some way, different types of help from different types of specialists.

The most common help that people seek is from a doctor that helps with the most common stuff. F.ex. doctors appointments for when you’ve been sick. When you’ve needed medicine for some virus, had pain your throat. I have allergies for animals and pollen so I have needed to see the doctor for that. And then I need to see my doctor for contraception, etc. etc.

People go to the doctor when there is something wrong with their body and feel normal talking about it. Sometimes it’s something sensitive so they don’t talk about it but still go to the doctor without a question.

But then, there are other kinds of doctors or specialists that people often feel ashamed of needing to see. I admit that the first time I saw a psychologist I felt embarrased. I was worried about what others would think about me. But today I don’t feel that way.

People often need this kind of help. A need to talk to someone, a specialist just to offload or lessen the burden. At this time I was dealing with my inferiority complex and really needed to boost up my confidence. I felt terrible at work and felt I was stuck and needed to talk about it. I had of course talked about this with my boyfriend which was really helpful but I really needed some specialised guidence, so I went to a specialist. And it really helped – for some time. I went to a few sessions and felt better.

Later I went through really really tough times, what I would describe as the hardest and most difficult time I’ve gone through so far.
Just after I found out I was pregnant with our second child my boyfriend was diagnosed with testicular cancer. So while pregnant, I was taking care of our 1 1/2 year old daughter and my boyfriend who was going through a really really tough chemo. His treatment was short but really difficult. At the same time I was working full time and I was a chapter president in an organization (which I only did because there was a need and though it added pressure it also gave me something else to think about and focus on – a break from the life at home). After our son was born my boyfriends chemo was over but then started his recovery.

At the end of the year I broke down. I didn’t have any energy left. I went to a councelor at the cancer association and I saw her maybe two or three times. It was really relieving talking to her and she helped me and guided me in the right direction. She made me see how strong I really am.

Then when things were starting to get better, my boyfriend had started working again and I went back to work after the maternity leave, my father who had been fighting cancer for a long time got really sick and was admitted to the hospital. Four months later he went into a coma for a few days and then left this world. Everything that I had built around me collapsed. I had this mask on me at work that I thought would make me feel better (because of the inferiority problem). I didn’t have any energy left to keep it on. My view on life collapsed. But I thought about those sessions with the councelor and about how strong I really am and started to build myself up. Or at least I thought so, but still there wasn’t really any energy to keep the mask on at work.

Then in september, 5 months after my father passed away my mother announced to me that her cancer was back. She had cancer before and gone through treatment but now it was back and needed more treatment. At that time everything collapsed again. The little I thought I had build didn’t have a strong foundation and just collapsed.

At that time I started to be afraid and I needed to talk to a specialst. So I went to another psychologist. I went to many sessions with him and this was something that I really needed. I talked with him about my parents and their sickness. About my boyfriends chemo and how difficult that time was. About how I felt at work. And he gave me some different points of view on some things and he gave me some things to think about and consider. He made me feel a lot better. During the time I was visiting him my mothers sister passed away after fighting cancer (yes, a lot of cancer around me). Again I started to question my view on life and at that moment I decided to finally take the step and change careers. Little later me and my psychologist didn’t see any need for me to see him anymore.

At this time I was sick in my head and I needed a doctor. A specialist. And today I see no shame in that. Because there is no shame in seeking help when you need it, whatever the help may be. When you are going through difficult times it’s good to be able to, and often neccesary to seek assistance. Just talking about things, aloud, to another person really helps. You get another perspective on things. You get good advice. And sometimes the only thing you need is just to talk about things to feel better.

Some people may need more help with their minds than just to talk about them. Some people need medicine and regular visits to their doctor. I think that is totally normal, and if you are seeking help that makes you a stronger person.

I am no longer seeing a psychologist regularly but there was this one time during a crisis (which I cannot talk about because it involves someone else) that I needed some guidance. First I talked to a priest that knew the case (yes of course you can talk to a priest even though you are not religious, they can talk to anyone and I was not seeking some religious guidence) and then I took one session with my psychologist. That was everything I needed at the time, some specialists’ view on things and guidance.

Today I am seeking another kind of help. I’ve just started seeing a certified coach to help me get some more order in my life, guide me in the right direction in decisions making, how I prioritize and help me set goals for the future (Markþjálfi in Icelandic).

So, I have sought help from a few different kinds of specialists depending on what kind of help I’ve needed.
– A doctor
– Midwife
– Chiropractor
– Masseuse
– Psychologist
– Councelor at the Cancer Association
– Sleep consultant (for my child)
– Allergy doctor
– Certified coach to help me set goals
etc..

Today I often think of myself as a growing tree. I may have branches that are bent or crooked but because I sought help, they are not broken. My roots are deep and I know I can withstand strong winds. If I feel that the wind is getting too strong I seek assistance so that I don’t break.

My point in this (much longer blog than I intended) is that it doesn’t matter what kind of help or assistance you seek, you should never be ashamed of it. It may be because of something sensitive that you don’t really want to talk about or explain and that is totally fine. But you should never feel ashamed for it. Everyone needs some kind of help sometime in their life and that is totally normal. If you admit the fact to yourself that it is ok to seek help, then you are on the right path. You do not have to talk openly about it as I am doing here, just do it for yourself. Seeking help means you are strong.

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